Though enough’s been said and read about the idea of Tambrahm arranged marriages, you just can’t fill the funny, funny void that it has created. I tell you, there’s something fundamentally un-Tambrahmish about arranged marriages today…
1. You meet ‘prospective life partners’ in an ultra cool matrimony networking site. Don’t laugh. It’s cool ok. I have facts to back up my justification.
No hacker can NEVER download your lakshanamaana photo and misuse it! I wonder why they would take it from a matrimony site, but still, let’s give you the benefit of doubt.
2. Oh and every boy or girl is a non-smoker, non-drinker, religious, earns well, will swear to love the future partner until death do them apart and is ‘funny, smart and handsome’. Now, now, I understand if you feel intimidated and loserly.
3. I swear, women spend more time deciding which profile is ‘suitable’ more than they spend time shopping.
4. Go on a normal day and try telling your parents you’d like to date someone…
You tell first. I’ll pray for you.
BUT, in an arranged marriage, you have the freedom to talk to as many, go on multiple dates, talk day-in and day-out, bring home heart-holding teddy bears and show it to smiling parents and, still say ‘No’ and escape pannify at any point of time. No questions asked.
5. God forbid your parents get involved in your ‘first date.’ They’d say, “Paaru andha payyan blazer pottundu smart ah vara poran, Edhavadhu fashionable ah dress podu di”.
This is exactly when you have those flashback moments.
No sleeveless to work, kannu padum.
No ‘midi-skirt’ to meet friends, road la kannu padum.
No dresses to parties. Kalyanamaana pasanga ellam irupa. Kudumbathula kozhapam undaagum! (??!!)
No shorts at home. Vayasu pasanga flat la iruka!
6. Anyway, moving on…today the girl’s/ boy’s parents don’t vijarichufy with pakathu aathu and yethaathu about you. They surusuruppa ‘check you out’ on Facebook. That’s why naa appove sonen,’Keep calm and pray to Umachi’ profile photo vaa maathu nu. Nee ketiya? Ippo anubavi.
7. There are kaadhu ku inimaiyaana moments in your life when a maami suddenly comes and tells your mom, indha kaalathu ponnunga ellam 26 la thane kalyaanam panra. Enna avasaram unaku? Konjam freeeya iruka viden? Now don’t ask me if they were being sarcastic or genuinely meant it. I’m clueless. Anything’s possible. Anything.
8. This is heights of hypocrisy. Before wedding you just HAVE TO wake up early morning, vaasal thelichu kolam potufy, know how to cook Tambrahm saapadu and get home by 9 PM. Why? Because andha imaginary maamiyar and payyan ku seri varaadhu! Post wedding: You get sloshed and end up in a zoo, turn into a hippie, go bald, live under a bridge, pierce your eyebrows, they don’t care. Because adhu ‘un kudumba prachana”.
9. Oh and top it all off, “En ponnu nalla paaduva. Cinema paatu kuda paaduva!”
Thus, the hilarity ensues. To my fellow Tambrahms, Keep calm and really, pray to Umachi.